1/3 of my Actual Thoughts Out Loud.

There's many billion times I tried to forget him, but I can't.
I've convinced myself a trillion times that he's just an infatuation, but it just fails mid way coz I can't stop but to keep on this strange crushy feeling I have for him.
Pretty vexed about it, coz everytime I think of how it would never work for us... I'm troubled.

Well, it isn't the first time that my feelings weren't answered for.
My pace has always been this way.
I've always given up before it even begun.
Worst still, I'm always the one who gets the rejection.
Somewhat or rather, I've grown to become used to it.

Even the guy who plays my significant other in the future, seems pretty vague.
I just don't know anymore. I feel like I shouldn't involve myself anymore in anything that has to do with affairs of the heart.

This feels so troublesome.
This feels so weird.
This feels so time-consuming.
This changed me.

Why do others have it so easily, and yet... it's so hard on my road?

Yes. It's probably me thinking too much about it, but you see... I just can't help but to think it that way.
Oh probably, I should learn to love myself first, before I shower any to other people.

Therefore, I shall make it official. There shan't be anybody else who worries me but myself, my family and my good friends.

And yeah, I'm fat and ugly... I'm saddened by that too.